Buttery buttery death…

12 05 2010

I’m from the west coast of Canada.  I like sushi, and sashimi, and all kinds of ethnic cuisine.  I eat vegetables, and if I can find the picture I will post the most epic salad I ever made.  It was a salad to make angels weep.  Well, it was really really yummy anyway.  I didn’t know you could make vegetables unhealthy with as much flair as the south does with their deep fried okra or meat and butter covered turnip greens.  Greenbeans are not meant to be battered and fried.

I know that my love of asparagus and my acceptance of all forms of squash and even brussel sprouts sets me aside as somewhat of an anomaly.  I am a carnivore, but I will actively seek out things like portobello mushroom burgers with caramelized onions and basil aoli.

I can cook some of those things.  Promise you won’t tell PC that I can weild a mixmaster and that I have a weakness for french stoneware and castiron frying pans.

That said, the south is trying to kill me.  I think that Paula Dean became a renowned chef for the express purpose of slowly drowning my body in cells filled with the buttery cheesy creamy goodness of her evil magical southern cooking.  Cracker Barrel is the devils own restaurant.  Eating my wild rice and chicken with spinach for lunch I found myself pining for chicken and dumplings and a bowl of hushpuppies.

Catfish is not a suitable replacement for salmon.  Nothing else can be grilled wild salmon. Mmmm…. But Top Hat’s pulled barbeque pork can’t really be replaced either.  I’m not even sure we should talk about biscuits.  How I wait anxiously for PC to pull them out of the oven when he makes a batch like his Maw-maw used to make for him.  I’ve even eaten them covered in gravy and pepper.  I have consumed those biscuits as a meal.  A carb covered carb filled meal with minimal fibre content and no protein.  Of course I’ve also developped an unhealthy attachment to Chik-fil-a.  I have plans for PC to fill his cary-on luggage with sammiches for me.  It’s an illness.

Maybe it’s a good thing we have months and months of paperwork ahead of us cause I’m pretty sure I’m going to weigh about 500lbs when I actually move there. 

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